i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
operation have a gay friend backfired
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
do nipples grow back?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
