I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
