I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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