MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
