I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
