I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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