i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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