just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
