i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
