too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize