I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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