it was like eating out sand paper
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
