I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
