U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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