Where is the hickey?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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