He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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