beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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