we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize