having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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