she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
