NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
