He uses pillows to masturbate.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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