Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
