And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
