fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
