RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize