It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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