I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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