i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
