I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
