Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
