she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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