I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
