Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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