She is in my trunk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
what day is it and did you see me today?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
