Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
