I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
