I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
