I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
