im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm always down for nudity.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
