apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
