Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
