Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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