Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize