found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
