So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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