He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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