There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
