Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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