i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
