Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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