We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
