I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
