Soap is not a condiment
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
