He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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