She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
