to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am one with the molecules
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
