ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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