its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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