My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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