just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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