Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
