ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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