Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
