just come out here and I will go home with you...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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