tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
