I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
