the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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