i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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