I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
