It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Randomize
