id be glad to
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
