WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
