Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
