Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
