I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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