im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
