Your dad touched me again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
