somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
