I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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