It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
