happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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