The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
