we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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